To Kill A Love Bird

It's 6:10am. It's been forever since I realized I was in love. There are so many things that happened. So many tears that fallen. So many cries that was left unheard. I am in pain, thus, I am in love.

I can feel I'm hungry right now. I want to eat burger.. no, veggie salad.. no, chocolate. Well.. No matter what happens, I should eat, because I' hungry. 

For me, being hungry is the perfect metaphor of being in love. If you love someone, you feel the need to be loved back by that person as much. You need to feed your hunger. And when that person do not feed you the way you need to be fed, you will suffer, and will soon die. And that's what happened to me. I died.

I didn't mean I literally died when I said that. I was pertaining to my feelings. And it tragically and inevitably died.

Loving a person who you do not really love is the hardest thing to do. Teaching your heart to love someone you don't like is the dumbest thing to do. That's why I can't blame the person I love for not loving me. However, I can't blame myself either. As much as it's hard to love someone you don't, it is also hard to not love someone if your heart tells you to love that person.. I love a person. That person does not love me. I am hungry, that person did not feed me. Hence, I died.

I died. And I can't blame anyone for my death. It's not that I gave up. It's not that I accepted that I AM a loser. It's not that I am weak. It's just that.. I died. People die even if they're strong. People die even if they're still fighting. People die even if they're still striving for the win. People die without being happy.  People die... because they're hungry.

But even if that part of myself died, I still am savoring the love that God lets me feel.. That kind of love makes me alive. That kind of love makes me vulnerable to death of my whole self. That kind of love gives me life.

 Pain can kill me. But love will keep me.

From now on, I will be happy.. I will be happy even if this world offers so many destruction and pain. I will be happy even if everyone is not able to love me back. As long as God loves me, I will love, and be loved back.

God bless, everyone!

You Are My Sweetest Downfall, I Loved You First

Since yesterday--no, since PLV Dance Company's Concert, I've been really touched by "Samson", sung by Regina Spektor. The company used this song for their dance about two lovers, the girl is blind and the guy donated his eyes for the girl's vision. It's pretty touching, and the dance was really sad. It touched me so much that I really can't move on! haha My friend gave me an overview of the meaning of the song, and I was shocked because I didn't expect that what she said was the actual meaning! :') So I decided to search for the further meaning of the lyrics, and I wanna share it to you, guys.. I hope it would touch you the same as I was. I have a link that will get you to listen to the song, just in case you don't know what I'm talking about. haha! I suggest you listen to the song first before reading its meaning. :) (Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6EXUQUXtgI) And the meaning.. Here it is:

My (the writer) idea was that she (Regina Spektor) was singing about some lover who died of cancer. It sounds like a long-shot, but hear me out ...

"Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth" - sheets of medical information. Her truth is that he's got cancer.

"Oh I cut his hair myself one night" - referring to the radiotherapy, which would have caused him to lose his hair. Perhaps she convinced him to go through with it?

"He told me that I'd done alright" - he knew she was trying to help.

"We couldn't bring the columns down, no we couldn't destroy a single one, and the history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us ... not even once" - despite the fact that Samson gave his life, they couldn't prevent other people (the columns) from meeting the same fate. And so many people have died of cancer, they don't matter to the history books or the bible.

"You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first" - she feels guilty moving on now he's dead.

I also heard somewhere that one of Regina's own boyfriends had died of cancer ... although that may just be a rumour or gossip.


Whew! :') I bet you didn't expect what the meaning is, did you??

Well, I've learned something from this song. It is really hard to be in a situation where you are aware that the person you love the most will inevitably leave you.. And to think that that person will die, it would really be devastating. However, we must not forget that we have our God who loves us and cares for us. There are times that things are so tough, we are not sure if we can make it. We sometimes come to a point where we just wanna give up. And because of these bitter situations, we tend to forget that God exists. However, even if we forget God, He is always there, ready to help us. Moreover, He carries us all the way. We must remember how powerful and how big He is compared to our problem. And He is the only solution to every problem we have. God bless everyone!

And I Know That I'll Be Leaving Soon

Hi, everyone! :) Whew.. I just had a very stressful yet fun day. We, with my group mates, translated almost ten pages (or I just think it's long because it was really difficult) of complicated related research from English to Filipino in, like, 3-4 hours. >.< It was head-smashing, yet, the pressure gives weird pleasure. HUH?? Haha! At least, we were able to pass our three-chapter thesis to our keen professor on time (well, we're a little bit late.. And our professor was pissed off. Haha) However, it's fulfilling. Doing really hard tasks and finally getting it done. It's just heaven. :))

Well, let's go to the topic. "And I Know That I'll Be Leaving Soon". This is a phrase from the song 'Dancing' by Elisa. Well, there are so many situations and ideas that we can relate to this phrase. But, it came across my mind because earlier when we, me and my two beautiful pals (beautiful on the inside.. and out, of course. haha!). Anyway, as I was saying, we were heading home when I saw a little book on the road. I was really curious (and laughing hard!) when I saw the title. 'DAIRY', it says. My common sense spontaneously told me that it is actually a DIARY. Well, It was really funny, my two friends kinda almost died laughing as well. :D so I decided to keep it and read it when I get home (hoping to read more funny words inside.)

....

Okay, we were very sorry for being kinda harsh with misspelled words.. it was really funny and we weren't able to control ourselves, sooo sorry! >.<

Anyway, I got home and I read the DAIRY, I mean DIARY. :) And I was actually stunned when the content of that little book struck me. The diary is probably a girl's, and it's about her leaving their house. Probably moving to another one or just having a vacation and it was time for her to leave or something else. The messages in the book are for her friends and special people that she met during her stay in that particular place. And, unexpectedly, I found so many lessons in each message. (And I was very sorry for judging the book by its cover. Literally.. >.<)

The first message is for Jenny (I hope the author wouldn't mind if I state her friend's name here, and translate everything to English.) Anyway, the message goes like this: "Hey, i will miss you. You know, I'm happy I was able to know you. Always take care of yourself!"

Well, it's a typical goodbye message, but hey.. Missing someone is a serious thing.

The second one is for Carlvin: Carl, Thank you because you were a good friend to us. I hope you finish your studies. Remember us, okay? Even though we knew each other for just a short time, I still felt your kindness.

What a good person Carl might be. It's nice to have a good friend. :)

Third is for Gio: Thank you because you are good to us even though you and ate Tonette always fight. It might be really hard to finish a relationship. But cheer up! You're a good person. Don't forget that.


Whew! Ending a relationship is harder than getting into it. Haha

The fourth message is for Arman: Thank you for all the good memories, Arman. I hope you'll remember all happy memories we had. When we leave, Always think that I am blessed to have a best friend like you. Take care of yourself! Remember the time we were out playing in the rain.

'True friend does not teach you how to get out of the storm but teaches you how to enjoy the rain.' I remember the time my best friend taught me how to enjoy the rain. Literally. Haha

For Aira: Ate, thank you for everything. Even if we did not get along with each other well, you were still good to us. I won't forget that.

 In life, we cannot please everybody and we need to accept that. All we need to do is to treat everyone what we think is right and according to the Word of God. :)

The Last message is for George: Hey, sister, (I think George is gay) thank you. Even if you're vain, you still have a good heart.

It really is good to have friends like George. :) They're really fun to be with.

:) I really am thankful that God gave me this diary. I was able to realize that there are thousands of lessons around you, waiting to be learned. All you need to do is to open your eyes, widen your mind, and prepare your heart for you to find these simple but vital lessons.

Saying goodbye especially to the people who became important to you is really hard. It is definitely sad. But saying goodbye also means waving hello to a new chapter of life. :)

Sometimes, we ask God why things happen this way and that. Sometimes, we are so confused with the situation, it came to a point where we cannot clearly distinguish what is right and what is wrong. But all we have to do is to trust God no matter what happens. He is the only one who knows every reason for everything in this world, and He controls it. All things happen in His perfect timing. And we don't need to worry. :) For everything has a purpose, and every situation is given to us by God. Whether to test our faith, or to strengthen our soul. But hey.. All things are beneficial so we must be thankful. :) God bless everyone!