I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.

I made a song cover of Iris by Goo Goo Dolls last week. Well, it's pretty much related to my second post (Unrequited Love) plus, someone (a person from my theater company) decided to make use of it as his music for his contemporary dance in our school's dance company's concert tomorrow. I'm so flattered, and yet so devastated when I hear the song (and the hardest part is, it's my voice so I don't have the right not to assimilate. :D ). On the same event, I was invited to perform a song ("Listen to Your Heart" by DHT) and that song is sooo painful as much! (Emo alert! Emo alert!)

Haha Well, it's hard to be emotional. But it's harder not to feel any emotion at all! And besides, there's a weird pleasure in crying. Haha!

As a theater actor, I must be soulful. I must experience every emotion I can feel. Devour all new emotions, and remember old ones. I need to get drowned in all of my emotions to be able to perform and act sensibly and effectively. Same goes with my singing. And dancing. And drawing. Well, I really need emotions to be able to perform tasks that make me feel happy and satisfied in life. Emotions are in fact useful, and it make life colorful. :) Though sometimes, people tend to feel these emotions negatively, causing drastic bad changes to themselves. Some get totally depressed and messed up, and worst, some kill themselves, WHICH IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL. Suicide is never a solution to one's problem.

Anyway, Let's go to the topic. "I Just Want You to Know Who I Am." This is a phrase from the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. In the song, that phrase means the singer wants to be seen or noticed or appreciated by the one he loves. And he can't do anything but to stare at her. and wait. wait until the girl would realize that he is there, loving her passionately. :) It's sweet. But as we look at the sad, tragic part of the singer's life, it's sooo heart-breaking. Being unnoticed is one of the worst tragic moment of life. It's painful not to be seen.

However, the song made me realize that people really needs attention. Well, some are overfilled with that kind of attitude that most of the time, they're irritating (ATTENTION SEEKERS! >:( haha ). The reality is, we all need attention. Even if sometimes we deny this fact, we all know that attention is a good stepping stone to building our confidence and exercising our ability to trust ourselves. That's why when we love a person, the first desire that would come to our mind is to be loved by that person back.

Well, it's not bad to dream of being loved back by the person you love, but some said that true love never seeks or expects anything in return. It's the hardest level to attain, when talking about different kinds of love, yet it is the most genuine one. I want to experience this kind of love. I just don't know how to. I think I'll search for it next time, then I'll post it right away for you. :)

Today, I realized that attention is a necessity. Just like what God wants us to do to Him. He wants us to seek Him all the time. To appreciate everything He does for our sake. To notice Him no matter how many distractions this life brings. Let's love Jesus Christ with all our heart. He is the most deserving person for our love. :) God bless everyone!

Unrequited Love

Okay, so today i did not go to school. Not because I don't want to. Hmm.. Let me tell the whole story. I went to my auntie's house today before school because I want to take my bath there. (It's not that I don't like our own bathroom.. It's just that... it's a long story, okay?! :D) So, I took all my things, including my uniform, and put everything in my knapsack. I was almost done preparing when I realized that I forgot to bring my i.d. Okay, I wasn't able to put everything. Hah! Well, At our school, just like every other school here in the Philippines, the No I.D. No Entry Policy is always implemented (though some students triumphantly get through those fierce-eyed security guards and ferocious-looking school employees.)

However, not going to school is not the whole point of this post. Me-forgetting-my-i.d. is the main topic. Well, I'm a type of person that never forget Identification Cards. But today, I forgot to bring it. Why? Because of so many factors and circumstances that are mashing up my life right now.

One of those.. My best friend. And yes, just like the typical stories of two best friends, when one fell in love with the other, and the other one isn't, well, that's our situation. And I am the "in-love" one. It's just hard. Emotionally hard. Well, unrequited love is always painful. But, why do I always get hooked with this kind of situation. Whenever I feel I am in love with a person, that person would just smile at me, then say "you really are a nice guy, Djiro. but you're too much. You deserve someone better than me." The hell! It's harder to be over-qualified than not to meet their standards.. That reason is such a crap. If I am able to exceed your standards, then that would be great, right? It can't be a reason for dumping me. (Yes, modesty aside, I always get dumped because I'm too much.) I can actually, positively accept reasons like "Djiro, you're not enough for me." or "Djiro, I don't love you because I found / I'm waiting for someone better." Darn it. I just can't understand why they're like that. :'( If they're just saying it because they don't want to hurt my feelings, then it isn't effective. I appreciate that kind action, but the reason just hurts me more, and complicates everything in my mind!

My best friend is the nicest, most perfect, loveliest, angel-like person in the world. And I have so many reasons for me to feel I am in love. And I want my best friend to be the happiest person in the world because of me. Too bad I'm too much. I guess it really is my bad.. :(

I thank my best friend for being the reason of my everyday smile, for always being there whenever I have a problem (and this is the only problem my best friend can't solve), for still accepting me and holding our precious friendship even if I'm like this, for making me feel special and important, for leading me to the right path. I will always love my best friend.

Well, at the end of the day, I am still the loser. I don't have any choice but to accept the fact that I cannot make people love me if they don't. Sometimes, I ask God, "Am I that bad to not being loved back?". Well, lessons are really hard to accept. But, I still thank God because I feel His presence every time I feel worthless. I know He loves everyone and wants us to be happy with His love. Thousands of people may reject me.. but I am sure God will always be by my side. By our side. God bless, everyone!

"Contentment is the key to happiness"
-I wish I can have this now. :(

It Does Matter

Good day, readers. This is Djiro Escondo, and this is my first post in this blog. Well, I just want to tell everyone that everything we do matters. Trust me, even the fast blink of your eyelids drastically affect your life. Hah! Anyway, when I was a kid, I don't exactly know what life really is. As everyone of us has experienced, we lived the first years of our life with minds that are more focused on having fun, meeting different kinds of people, having fun, satisfying our needs, having fun! But as we grow older, our impression on life inevitably changes. And those changes are what I would post here. Whew! I hope life would treat me kind..