Unrequited Love

Okay, so today i did not go to school. Not because I don't want to. Hmm.. Let me tell the whole story. I went to my auntie's house today before school because I want to take my bath there. (It's not that I don't like our own bathroom.. It's just that... it's a long story, okay?! :D) So, I took all my things, including my uniform, and put everything in my knapsack. I was almost done preparing when I realized that I forgot to bring my i.d. Okay, I wasn't able to put everything. Hah! Well, At our school, just like every other school here in the Philippines, the No I.D. No Entry Policy is always implemented (though some students triumphantly get through those fierce-eyed security guards and ferocious-looking school employees.)

However, not going to school is not the whole point of this post. Me-forgetting-my-i.d. is the main topic. Well, I'm a type of person that never forget Identification Cards. But today, I forgot to bring it. Why? Because of so many factors and circumstances that are mashing up my life right now.

One of those.. My best friend. And yes, just like the typical stories of two best friends, when one fell in love with the other, and the other one isn't, well, that's our situation. And I am the "in-love" one. It's just hard. Emotionally hard. Well, unrequited love is always painful. But, why do I always get hooked with this kind of situation. Whenever I feel I am in love with a person, that person would just smile at me, then say "you really are a nice guy, Djiro. but you're too much. You deserve someone better than me." The hell! It's harder to be over-qualified than not to meet their standards.. That reason is such a crap. If I am able to exceed your standards, then that would be great, right? It can't be a reason for dumping me. (Yes, modesty aside, I always get dumped because I'm too much.) I can actually, positively accept reasons like "Djiro, you're not enough for me." or "Djiro, I don't love you because I found / I'm waiting for someone better." Darn it. I just can't understand why they're like that. :'( If they're just saying it because they don't want to hurt my feelings, then it isn't effective. I appreciate that kind action, but the reason just hurts me more, and complicates everything in my mind!

My best friend is the nicest, most perfect, loveliest, angel-like person in the world. And I have so many reasons for me to feel I am in love. And I want my best friend to be the happiest person in the world because of me. Too bad I'm too much. I guess it really is my bad.. :(

I thank my best friend for being the reason of my everyday smile, for always being there whenever I have a problem (and this is the only problem my best friend can't solve), for still accepting me and holding our precious friendship even if I'm like this, for making me feel special and important, for leading me to the right path. I will always love my best friend.

Well, at the end of the day, I am still the loser. I don't have any choice but to accept the fact that I cannot make people love me if they don't. Sometimes, I ask God, "Am I that bad to not being loved back?". Well, lessons are really hard to accept. But, I still thank God because I feel His presence every time I feel worthless. I know He loves everyone and wants us to be happy with His love. Thousands of people may reject me.. but I am sure God will always be by my side. By our side. God bless, everyone!

"Contentment is the key to happiness"
-I wish I can have this now. :(