Miyerkules, Abril 18, 2012
Linggo, Marso 11, 2012
To Kill A Love Bird
It's 6:10am. It's been forever since I realized I was in love. There are so many things that happened. So many tears that fallen. So many cries that was left unheard. I am in pain, thus, I am in love.
I can feel I'm hungry right now. I want to eat burger.. no, veggie salad.. no, chocolate. Well.. No matter what happens, I should eat, because I' hungry.
For me, being hungry is the perfect metaphor of being in love. If you love someone, you feel the need to be loved back by that person as much. You need to feed your hunger. And when that person do not feed you the way you need to be fed, you will suffer, and will soon die. And that's what happened to me. I died.
I didn't mean I literally died when I said that. I was pertaining to my feelings. And it tragically and inevitably died.
Loving a person who you do not really love is the hardest thing to do. Teaching your heart to love someone you don't like is the dumbest thing to do. That's why I can't blame the person I love for not loving me. However, I can't blame myself either. As much as it's hard to love someone you don't, it is also hard to not love someone if your heart tells you to love that person.. I love a person. That person does not love me. I am hungry, that person did not feed me. Hence, I died.
I died. And I can't blame anyone for my death. It's not that I gave up. It's not that I accepted that I AM a loser. It's not that I am weak. It's just that.. I died. People die even if they're strong. People die even if they're still fighting. People die even if they're still striving for the win. People die without being happy. People die... because they're hungry.
But even if that part of myself died, I still am savoring the love that God lets me feel.. That kind of love makes me alive. That kind of love makes me vulnerable to death of my whole self. That kind of love gives me life.
Pain can kill me. But love will keep me.
From now on, I will be happy.. I will be happy even if this world offers so many destruction and pain. I will be happy even if everyone is not able to love me back. As long as God loves me, I will love, and be loved back.
God bless, everyone!
Linggo, Marso 4, 2012
You Are My Sweetest Downfall, I Loved You First
Since yesterday--no, since PLV Dance Company's Concert, I've been really touched by "Samson", sung by Regina Spektor. The company used this song for their dance about two lovers, the girl is blind and the guy donated his eyes for the girl's vision. It's pretty touching, and the dance was really sad. It touched me so much that I really can't move on! haha My friend gave me an overview of the meaning of the song, and I was shocked because I didn't expect that what she said was the actual meaning! :') So I decided to search for the further meaning of the lyrics, and I wanna share it to you, guys.. I hope it would touch you the same as I was. I have a link that will get you to listen to the song, just in case you don't know what I'm talking about. haha! I suggest you listen to the song first before reading its meaning. :) (Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6EXUQUXtgI) And the meaning.. Here it is:
My (the writer) idea was that she (Regina Spektor) was singing about some lover who died of cancer. It sounds like a long-shot, but hear me out ...
"Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth" - sheets of medical information. Her truth is that he's got cancer.
"Oh I cut his hair myself one night" - referring to the radiotherapy, which would have caused him to lose his hair. Perhaps she convinced him to go through with it?
"He told me that I'd done alright" - he knew she was trying to help.
"We couldn't bring the columns down, no we couldn't destroy a single one, and the history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us ... not even once" - despite the fact that Samson gave his life, they couldn't prevent other people (the columns) from meeting the same fate. And so many people have died of cancer, they don't matter to the history books or the bible.
"You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first" - she feels guilty moving on now he's dead.
I also heard somewhere that one of Regina's own boyfriends had died of cancer ... although that may just be a rumour or gossip.
Whew! :') I bet you didn't expect what the meaning is, did you??
Well, I've learned something from this song. It is really hard to be in a situation where you are aware that the person you love the most will inevitably leave you.. And to think that that person will die, it would really be devastating. However, we must not forget that we have our God who loves us and cares for us. There are times that things are so tough, we are not sure if we can make it. We sometimes come to a point where we just wanna give up. And because of these bitter situations, we tend to forget that God exists. However, even if we forget God, He is always there, ready to help us. Moreover, He carries us all the way. We must remember how powerful and how big He is compared to our problem. And He is the only solution to every problem we have. God bless everyone!
My (the writer) idea was that she (Regina Spektor) was singing about some lover who died of cancer. It sounds like a long-shot, but hear me out ...
"Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth" - sheets of medical information. Her truth is that he's got cancer.
"Oh I cut his hair myself one night" - referring to the radiotherapy, which would have caused him to lose his hair. Perhaps she convinced him to go through with it?
"He told me that I'd done alright" - he knew she was trying to help.
"We couldn't bring the columns down, no we couldn't destroy a single one, and the history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us ... not even once" - despite the fact that Samson gave his life, they couldn't prevent other people (the columns) from meeting the same fate. And so many people have died of cancer, they don't matter to the history books or the bible.
"You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first" - she feels guilty moving on now he's dead.
I also heard somewhere that one of Regina's own boyfriends had died of cancer ... although that may just be a rumour or gossip.
Whew! :') I bet you didn't expect what the meaning is, did you??
Well, I've learned something from this song. It is really hard to be in a situation where you are aware that the person you love the most will inevitably leave you.. And to think that that person will die, it would really be devastating. However, we must not forget that we have our God who loves us and cares for us. There are times that things are so tough, we are not sure if we can make it. We sometimes come to a point where we just wanna give up. And because of these bitter situations, we tend to forget that God exists. However, even if we forget God, He is always there, ready to help us. Moreover, He carries us all the way. We must remember how powerful and how big He is compared to our problem. And He is the only solution to every problem we have. God bless everyone!
Sabado, Marso 3, 2012
And I Know That I'll Be Leaving Soon
Hi, everyone! :) Whew.. I just had a very stressful yet fun day. We, with my group mates, translated almost ten pages (or I just think it's long because it was really difficult) of complicated related research from English to Filipino in, like, 3-4 hours. >.< It was head-smashing, yet, the pressure gives weird pleasure. HUH?? Haha! At least, we were able to pass our three-chapter thesis to our keen professor on time (well, we're a little bit late.. And our professor was pissed off. Haha) However, it's fulfilling. Doing really hard tasks and finally getting it done. It's just heaven. :))
Well, let's go to the topic. "And I Know That I'll Be Leaving Soon". This is a phrase from the song 'Dancing' by Elisa. Well, there are so many situations and ideas that we can relate to this phrase. But, it came across my mind because earlier when we, me and my two beautiful pals (beautiful on the inside.. and out, of course. haha!). Anyway, as I was saying, we were heading home when I saw a little book on the road. I was really curious (and laughing hard!) when I saw the title. 'DAIRY', it says. My common sense spontaneously told me that it is actually a DIARY. Well, It was really funny, my two friends kinda almost died laughing as well. :D so I decided to keep it and read it when I get home (hoping to read more funny words inside.)
....
Okay, we were very sorry for being kinda harsh with misspelled words.. it was really funny and we weren't able to control ourselves, sooo sorry! >.<
Anyway, I got home and I read the DAIRY, I mean DIARY. :) And I was actually stunned when the content of that little book struck me. The diary is probably a girl's, and it's about her leaving their house. Probably moving to another one or just having a vacation and it was time for her to leave or something else. The messages in the book are for her friends and special people that she met during her stay in that particular place. And, unexpectedly, I found so many lessons in each message. (And I was very sorry for judging the book by its cover. Literally.. >.<)
The first message is for Jenny (I hope the author wouldn't mind if I state her friend's name here, and translate everything to English.) Anyway, the message goes like this: "Hey, i will miss you. You know, I'm happy I was able to know you. Always take care of yourself!"
Well, it's a typical goodbye message, but hey.. Missing someone is a serious thing.
The second one is for Carlvin: Carl, Thank you because you were a good friend to us. I hope you finish your studies. Remember us, okay? Even though we knew each other for just a short time, I still felt your kindness.
What a good person Carl might be. It's nice to have a good friend. :)
Third is for Gio: Thank you because you are good to us even though you and ate Tonette always fight. It might be really hard to finish a relationship. But cheer up! You're a good person. Don't forget that.
Whew! Ending a relationship is harder than getting into it. Haha
The fourth message is for Arman: Thank you for all the good memories, Arman. I hope you'll remember all happy memories we had. When we leave, Always think that I am blessed to have a best friend like you. Take care of yourself! Remember the time we were out playing in the rain.
'True friend does not teach you how to get out of the storm but teaches you how to enjoy the rain.' I remember the time my best friend taught me how to enjoy the rain. Literally. Haha
For Aira: Ate, thank you for everything. Even if we did not get along with each other well, you were still good to us. I won't forget that.
In life, we cannot please everybody and we need to accept that. All we need to do is to treat everyone what we think is right and according to the Word of God. :)
The Last message is for George: Hey, sister, (I think George is gay) thank you. Even if you're vain, you still have a good heart.
It really is good to have friends like George. :) They're really fun to be with.
:) I really am thankful that God gave me this diary. I was able to realize that there are thousands of lessons around you, waiting to be learned. All you need to do is to open your eyes, widen your mind, and prepare your heart for you to find these simple but vital lessons.
Saying goodbye especially to the people who became important to you is really hard. It is definitely sad. But saying goodbye also means waving hello to a new chapter of life. :)
Sometimes, we ask God why things happen this way and that. Sometimes, we are so confused with the situation, it came to a point where we cannot clearly distinguish what is right and what is wrong. But all we have to do is to trust God no matter what happens. He is the only one who knows every reason for everything in this world, and He controls it. All things happen in His perfect timing. And we don't need to worry. :) For everything has a purpose, and every situation is given to us by God. Whether to test our faith, or to strengthen our soul. But hey.. All things are beneficial so we must be thankful. :) God bless everyone!
Well, let's go to the topic. "And I Know That I'll Be Leaving Soon". This is a phrase from the song 'Dancing' by Elisa. Well, there are so many situations and ideas that we can relate to this phrase. But, it came across my mind because earlier when we, me and my two beautiful pals (beautiful on the inside.. and out, of course. haha!). Anyway, as I was saying, we were heading home when I saw a little book on the road. I was really curious (and laughing hard!) when I saw the title. 'DAIRY', it says. My common sense spontaneously told me that it is actually a DIARY. Well, It was really funny, my two friends kinda almost died laughing as well. :D so I decided to keep it and read it when I get home (hoping to read more funny words inside.)
....
Okay, we were very sorry for being kinda harsh with misspelled words.. it was really funny and we weren't able to control ourselves, sooo sorry! >.<
Anyway, I got home and I read the DAIRY, I mean DIARY. :) And I was actually stunned when the content of that little book struck me. The diary is probably a girl's, and it's about her leaving their house. Probably moving to another one or just having a vacation and it was time for her to leave or something else. The messages in the book are for her friends and special people that she met during her stay in that particular place. And, unexpectedly, I found so many lessons in each message. (And I was very sorry for judging the book by its cover. Literally.. >.<)
The first message is for Jenny (I hope the author wouldn't mind if I state her friend's name here, and translate everything to English.) Anyway, the message goes like this: "Hey, i will miss you. You know, I'm happy I was able to know you. Always take care of yourself!"
Well, it's a typical goodbye message, but hey.. Missing someone is a serious thing.
The second one is for Carlvin: Carl, Thank you because you were a good friend to us. I hope you finish your studies. Remember us, okay? Even though we knew each other for just a short time, I still felt your kindness.
What a good person Carl might be. It's nice to have a good friend. :)
Third is for Gio: Thank you because you are good to us even though you and ate Tonette always fight. It might be really hard to finish a relationship. But cheer up! You're a good person. Don't forget that.
Whew! Ending a relationship is harder than getting into it. Haha
The fourth message is for Arman: Thank you for all the good memories, Arman. I hope you'll remember all happy memories we had. When we leave, Always think that I am blessed to have a best friend like you. Take care of yourself! Remember the time we were out playing in the rain.
'True friend does not teach you how to get out of the storm but teaches you how to enjoy the rain.' I remember the time my best friend taught me how to enjoy the rain. Literally. Haha
For Aira: Ate, thank you for everything. Even if we did not get along with each other well, you were still good to us. I won't forget that.
In life, we cannot please everybody and we need to accept that. All we need to do is to treat everyone what we think is right and according to the Word of God. :)
The Last message is for George: Hey, sister, (I think George is gay) thank you. Even if you're vain, you still have a good heart.
It really is good to have friends like George. :) They're really fun to be with.
:) I really am thankful that God gave me this diary. I was able to realize that there are thousands of lessons around you, waiting to be learned. All you need to do is to open your eyes, widen your mind, and prepare your heart for you to find these simple but vital lessons.
Saying goodbye especially to the people who became important to you is really hard. It is definitely sad. But saying goodbye also means waving hello to a new chapter of life. :)
Sometimes, we ask God why things happen this way and that. Sometimes, we are so confused with the situation, it came to a point where we cannot clearly distinguish what is right and what is wrong. But all we have to do is to trust God no matter what happens. He is the only one who knows every reason for everything in this world, and He controls it. All things happen in His perfect timing. And we don't need to worry. :) For everything has a purpose, and every situation is given to us by God. Whether to test our faith, or to strengthen our soul. But hey.. All things are beneficial so we must be thankful. :) God bless everyone!
Miyerkules, Pebrero 29, 2012
I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.
I made a song cover of Iris by Goo Goo Dolls last week. Well, it's pretty much related to my second post (Unrequited Love) plus, someone (a person from my theater company) decided to make use of it as his music for his contemporary dance in our school's dance company's concert tomorrow. I'm so flattered, and yet so devastated when I hear the song (and the hardest part is, it's my voice so I don't have the right not to assimilate. :D ). On the same event, I was invited to perform a song ("Listen to Your Heart" by DHT) and that song is sooo painful as much! (Emo alert! Emo alert!)
Haha Well, it's hard to be emotional. But it's harder not to feel any emotion at all! And besides, there's a weird pleasure in crying. Haha!
As a theater actor, I must be soulful. I must experience every emotion I can feel. Devour all new emotions, and remember old ones. I need to get drowned in all of my emotions to be able to perform and act sensibly and effectively. Same goes with my singing. And dancing. And drawing. Well, I really need emotions to be able to perform tasks that make me feel happy and satisfied in life. Emotions are in fact useful, and it make life colorful. :) Though sometimes, people tend to feel these emotions negatively, causing drastic bad changes to themselves. Some get totally depressed and messed up, and worst, some kill themselves, WHICH IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL. Suicide is never a solution to one's problem.
Anyway, Let's go to the topic. "I Just Want You to Know Who I Am." This is a phrase from the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. In the song, that phrase means the singer wants to be seen or noticed or appreciated by the one he loves. And he can't do anything but to stare at her. and wait. wait until the girl would realize that he is there, loving her passionately. :) It's sweet. But as we look at the sad, tragic part of the singer's life, it's sooo heart-breaking. Being unnoticed is one of the worst tragic moment of life. It's painful not to be seen.
However, the song made me realize that people really needs attention. Well, some are overfilled with that kind of attitude that most of the time, they're irritating (ATTENTION SEEKERS! >:( haha ). The reality is, we all need attention. Even if sometimes we deny this fact, we all know that attention is a good stepping stone to building our confidence and exercising our ability to trust ourselves. That's why when we love a person, the first desire that would come to our mind is to be loved by that person back.
Well, it's not bad to dream of being loved back by the person you love, but some said that true love never seeks or expects anything in return. It's the hardest level to attain, when talking about different kinds of love, yet it is the most genuine one. I want to experience this kind of love. I just don't know how to. I think I'll search for it next time, then I'll post it right away for you. :)
Today, I realized that attention is a necessity. Just like what God wants us to do to Him. He wants us to seek Him all the time. To appreciate everything He does for our sake. To notice Him no matter how many distractions this life brings. Let's love Jesus Christ with all our heart. He is the most deserving person for our love. :) God bless everyone!
Haha Well, it's hard to be emotional. But it's harder not to feel any emotion at all! And besides, there's a weird pleasure in crying. Haha!
As a theater actor, I must be soulful. I must experience every emotion I can feel. Devour all new emotions, and remember old ones. I need to get drowned in all of my emotions to be able to perform and act sensibly and effectively. Same goes with my singing. And dancing. And drawing. Well, I really need emotions to be able to perform tasks that make me feel happy and satisfied in life. Emotions are in fact useful, and it make life colorful. :) Though sometimes, people tend to feel these emotions negatively, causing drastic bad changes to themselves. Some get totally depressed and messed up, and worst, some kill themselves, WHICH IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL. Suicide is never a solution to one's problem.
Anyway, Let's go to the topic. "I Just Want You to Know Who I Am." This is a phrase from the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. In the song, that phrase means the singer wants to be seen or noticed or appreciated by the one he loves. And he can't do anything but to stare at her. and wait. wait until the girl would realize that he is there, loving her passionately. :) It's sweet. But as we look at the sad, tragic part of the singer's life, it's sooo heart-breaking. Being unnoticed is one of the worst tragic moment of life. It's painful not to be seen.
However, the song made me realize that people really needs attention. Well, some are overfilled with that kind of attitude that most of the time, they're irritating (ATTENTION SEEKERS! >:( haha ). The reality is, we all need attention. Even if sometimes we deny this fact, we all know that attention is a good stepping stone to building our confidence and exercising our ability to trust ourselves. That's why when we love a person, the first desire that would come to our mind is to be loved by that person back.
Well, it's not bad to dream of being loved back by the person you love, but some said that true love never seeks or expects anything in return. It's the hardest level to attain, when talking about different kinds of love, yet it is the most genuine one. I want to experience this kind of love. I just don't know how to. I think I'll search for it next time, then I'll post it right away for you. :)
Today, I realized that attention is a necessity. Just like what God wants us to do to Him. He wants us to seek Him all the time. To appreciate everything He does for our sake. To notice Him no matter how many distractions this life brings. Let's love Jesus Christ with all our heart. He is the most deserving person for our love. :) God bless everyone!
Unrequited Love
Okay, so today i did not go to school. Not because I don't want to. Hmm.. Let me tell the whole story. I went to my auntie's house today before school because I want to take my bath there. (It's not that I don't like our own bathroom.. It's just that... it's a long story, okay?! :D) So, I took all my things, including my uniform, and put everything in my knapsack. I was almost done preparing when I realized that I forgot to bring my i.d. Okay, I wasn't able to put everything. Hah! Well, At our school, just like every other school here in the Philippines, the No I.D. No Entry Policy is always implemented (though some students triumphantly get through those fierce-eyed security guards and ferocious-looking school employees.)
However, not going to school is not the whole point of this post. Me-forgetting-my-i.d. is the main topic. Well, I'm a type of person that never forget Identification Cards. But today, I forgot to bring it. Why? Because of so many factors and circumstances that are mashing up my life right now.
One of those.. My best friend. And yes, just like the typical stories of two best friends, when one fell in love with the other, and the other one isn't, well, that's our situation. And I am the "in-love" one. It's just hard. Emotionally hard. Well, unrequited love is always painful. But, why do I always get hooked with this kind of situation. Whenever I feel I am in love with a person, that person would just smile at me, then say "you really are a nice guy, Djiro. but you're too much. You deserve someone better than me." The hell! It's harder to be over-qualified than not to meet their standards.. That reason is such a crap. If I am able to exceed your standards, then that would be great, right? It can't be a reason for dumping me. (Yes, modesty aside, I always get dumped because I'm too much.) I can actually, positively accept reasons like "Djiro, you're not enough for me." or "Djiro, I don't love you because I found / I'm waiting for someone better." Darn it. I just can't understand why they're like that. :'( If they're just saying it because they don't want to hurt my feelings, then it isn't effective. I appreciate that kind action, but the reason just hurts me more, and complicates everything in my mind!
My best friend is the nicest, most perfect, loveliest, angel-like person in the world. And I have so many reasons for me to feel I am in love. And I want my best friend to be the happiest person in the world because of me. Too bad I'm too much. I guess it really is my bad.. :(
I thank my best friend for being the reason of my everyday smile, for always being there whenever I have a problem (and this is the only problem my best friend can't solve), for still accepting me and holding our precious friendship even if I'm like this, for making me feel special and important, for leading me to the right path. I will always love my best friend.
Well, at the end of the day, I am still the loser. I don't have any choice but to accept the fact that I cannot make people love me if they don't. Sometimes, I ask God, "Am I that bad to not being loved back?". Well, lessons are really hard to accept. But, I still thank God because I feel His presence every time I feel worthless. I know He loves everyone and wants us to be happy with His love. Thousands of people may reject me.. but I am sure God will always be by my side. By our side. God bless, everyone!
"Contentment is the key to happiness"
-I wish I can have this now. :(
However, not going to school is not the whole point of this post. Me-forgetting-my-i.d. is the main topic. Well, I'm a type of person that never forget Identification Cards. But today, I forgot to bring it. Why? Because of so many factors and circumstances that are mashing up my life right now.
One of those.. My best friend. And yes, just like the typical stories of two best friends, when one fell in love with the other, and the other one isn't, well, that's our situation. And I am the "in-love" one. It's just hard. Emotionally hard. Well, unrequited love is always painful. But, why do I always get hooked with this kind of situation. Whenever I feel I am in love with a person, that person would just smile at me, then say "you really are a nice guy, Djiro. but you're too much. You deserve someone better than me." The hell! It's harder to be over-qualified than not to meet their standards.. That reason is such a crap. If I am able to exceed your standards, then that would be great, right? It can't be a reason for dumping me. (Yes, modesty aside, I always get dumped because I'm too much.) I can actually, positively accept reasons like "Djiro, you're not enough for me." or "Djiro, I don't love you because I found / I'm waiting for someone better." Darn it. I just can't understand why they're like that. :'( If they're just saying it because they don't want to hurt my feelings, then it isn't effective. I appreciate that kind action, but the reason just hurts me more, and complicates everything in my mind!
My best friend is the nicest, most perfect, loveliest, angel-like person in the world. And I have so many reasons for me to feel I am in love. And I want my best friend to be the happiest person in the world because of me. Too bad I'm too much. I guess it really is my bad.. :(
I thank my best friend for being the reason of my everyday smile, for always being there whenever I have a problem (and this is the only problem my best friend can't solve), for still accepting me and holding our precious friendship even if I'm like this, for making me feel special and important, for leading me to the right path. I will always love my best friend.
Well, at the end of the day, I am still the loser. I don't have any choice but to accept the fact that I cannot make people love me if they don't. Sometimes, I ask God, "Am I that bad to not being loved back?". Well, lessons are really hard to accept. But, I still thank God because I feel His presence every time I feel worthless. I know He loves everyone and wants us to be happy with His love. Thousands of people may reject me.. but I am sure God will always be by my side. By our side. God bless, everyone!
"Contentment is the key to happiness"
-I wish I can have this now. :(
Biyernes, Pebrero 24, 2012
It Does Matter
Good day, readers. This is Djiro Escondo, and this is my first post in this blog. Well, I just want to tell everyone that everything we do matters. Trust me, even the fast blink of your eyelids drastically affect your life. Hah! Anyway, when I was a kid, I don't exactly know what life really is. As everyone of us has experienced, we lived the first years of our life with minds that are more focused on having fun, meeting different kinds of people, having fun, satisfying our needs, having fun! But as we grow older, our impression on life inevitably changes. And those changes are what I would post here. Whew! I hope life would treat me kind..
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